Gender Role Reversal

I can't find much on this story from the Shreveport Times (Louisiana), but a 39-year-old female teacher has been arrested on cyberstalking charges for posing as a 14-year-old girl and harassing a 14-year-old boy through MySpace. According to the brief article, there is no evidence that the teacher and boy ever met face-to-face.

I think this is worth noting because we spend so much time worrying about girls as victims that we need reminders that boys can also be subject to such things. Outside of the extremely bizarre case of Mary Kay Letourneau and her former student and now husband, Vili Fualaau, this issue has been a completely non-issue but remains a lingering question: "Is a sexual relationship with a young male and significantly older female harmful?" There is all sorts of research on the negative effects of younger females partnering with older males (higher rates of pregnancy, sexual coercion, drug use...) but there is NOTHING on the opposite. I've looked. And wondered as a result. Which means that I am challenged by my own stereotypes and assumptions. I think that this large an age gap at this developmental time cannot be healthy. But is there evidence? That remains to be seen.

To Catch a Predator Settles and Finishes

Though refusing to disclose the amount, NBC has settled a lawsuit filed by the family of a man who committed suicide when confronted with cameras for “To Catch a Predator.” Mr. Conradt, an ADA from Texas, had allegedly engaged in sexually explicit online chats with someone he believed was underage, but actually was and adult volunteer for Perverted Justice, a group dedicated to entrapping potential child sexual predators. The group was a paid consultant for NBC in the “Predator” series.

According to the New York Times, the volunteer masquerading as a child arranged to meet with Conradt as part of "Predator" sting facilitated by a local police department. Quoting the times, "Conradt did not show up at the bait house, so the local police, encouraged by NBC (according to the lawsuit), decided to arrest him at his home. As the police and camera crews entered the home, Mr. Conradt shot himself in the head."

According to the sister, Patricia Conradt, a police officer at the scene of the shooting said “That’ll make good TV.” The LA Times reports that the Texas DA's office "declined to pursue the more than 20 cases related to the “Predator” sting operation related to this case, citing problems with the evidence gathered."

There is no talk of continuing the series at this point.

Back to that dirty bedroom

I have a Facebook account, and I have a cre8Buzz account, and neither of these make me feel as dirty as my MySpace account does. I don’t know why – they are all essentially copies of one another. Dr. Kris sent me a fantastic Venture Beat article about Why Facebook is now the number one social network in the world, and why this matters that absolutely validates my feelings.

Eric Eldon is able to sum my feelings up in half a sentence "MySpace is more of a place for people to live out their fantasy lives online ..." while Facebook is more a site where you're required to share "factual information" because otherwise, your friends from across the hallway Freshman year are going to call you out. Eldon writes about the lack of networks creating opportunity for you to create a whole new you unlinke the networking connections created through Facebook.

Reading through the comments on Eldon's article made me think about words, too. How long ago did "friend" become an actual verb? Do you think that usage will ever be integrated into the dictionary? If you wanna friend The Virtual Mystery Tour's dirty MySpace profile* head over here and add us!

While Eldon's article then goes into specific numbers of hits, global growth and advertising dollars, the rest of the article doesn't do much for me; however, it's so very nice to hear yet another blogger vent about how dirty MySpace can really be.


*Dear Perverts who found The Virtual Mystery Tour's blog but were actually searching for a "dirty MySpace profile,"
I apologize. We actually have a very clean MySpace profile.
Trying not to laugh at your Google-fu,
Sarah

Everyone in the Pool!

Not actually related to sexuality, but I found this simultaneously hilarious and unsettling. According to the Sydney Herald (which, yes, is from Australia), teens in the UK are using social networking sites along with Google Maps to locate pools in the area that would be perfect to crash. Want a pool party? Seems as though not having a pool is no longer an obstacle to this dream. According to The Herald, people are coming home from work only to see beer cans littering their poolside, and some have even caught the youth in the act of catching some rays in their yard.

See the ValleyWag for an excellent illustration of how this might look.

While I see this as very clever on the young person's part, this really gets to the idea that none of us are really private anymore thanks to the internet. Even if you don't go online often -- or really, even if you have never even been on the WWW, that doesn't mean your information isn't readily available at the click of a button. Another reason to ego surf to see what people can learn about you.

Slimming; get drunk on super absorbency**

Safe for Down There
fingers (clean & short nails)
penises*
vibrators*
dildos*
cucumbers*
electric toothbrushes*

Not Safe for Down There
Sharpie markers
safety pins
a French baguette
hamsters
vodka soaked tampons

You may have just read that second list and laughed, but that last non-safe for down there isn't as ridiculous as it seems. Thanks to a few personal blogs that I read, I learned about a new fad; slimming. From what I can surmise (thank you YouTube), slimming is the vaginal or anal insertion of a vodka-soaked tampon in order to get drunk. ShamelesslySassy's blog post first caught my eye, and then I read about Slacker-Moms-R-Us' personal experience learning of this new trend on a school field trip.

I am not surprised that teens are looking for new ways to hide drinking from their parents. This has been happening for generations. I am, however, surprised to think that teens are willing to endure the burning that a vodka-infused tampon must elicit. I'm highly interested in learning more about the actual physical dangers that putting a tampon soaked in vodka can have on a woman's vagina/vaginal opening and/or the anus. It can't be good.

Parents, if you notice that your daughter is suddenly going through more tampons than normal, or that your son is very willing to hang out in the feminine product aisle, you might want to start asking some pretty personal questions.



*safest with a condom
*Thank you Mommy Is Moody for the fabulous title

More on online safety

One of my high school graduation gifts was a brand new computer. I didn’t have to share it with anyone, and I could download as much music as I wanted to – without using all Dad’s memory. However, with that new computer came new responsibilities; keeping myself safe while online (and not filling the hard drive with music before I even moved away to college). My parents were pretty oblivious to the dangers of being online, and were quite surprised when they realized that I could easily spend a few hours chatting (using ICQ … that dates me) with people I had never met in person.

Do you know a graduate who got a laptop? Do you know how to help them be safe online? Here are some tips for keeping both youth and adults safe while using the internet:
• Get a free email account; Gmail, Hotmail and Yahoo all have easily created emails
• Select a gender-neutral username and email; anything overly feminine or sexual may attract unwanted attention
• If you’re using an IM client (Gmail, Yahoo, AIM), block or ignore unwanted users who may be talking to you
• Don’t let others draw you into online conflict; ignoring harassment, rather than defending yourself may not seem like the best thing to do, but by responding, you’re letting that harasser know that they’ve touched a nerve.
• Only “say” online what you would actually say to someone’s face; words travel quickly and you need to be able to stand behind your words.
• Don’t share personal information: your full name, your address, your phone number, any credit card information or even identifying details about yourself. I know this is hard (I even have a hard time doing it here), but it’s worth it in the end!
• When opening emails, use caution – attachments can be dangerous – only open them from those you know.
• Remember that if you’re uncomfortable in a chat room (forum/message board/etc), you can leave.
• A specific tip for parents: watch what your children are doing. If they’re home alone a lot, and you’re worried about their internet use, you can password protect things to prevent their over-surfing. Watch the history with regards to their internet use, and remind them that you’re checking in on them.

The internet doesn’t have to be a scary place; it can be made incredibly safe, if you’re willing to put forth the effort!

On a completely different note: Happy National Ice Tea Month, Turkey Lover’s Months, Fresh Fruit & Vegetables Month, Papaya Month, Dairy Month all along with Internet Safety Month!

Utah -- Land of Ignorance

The CDC just released its School Health Profiles, which outline the rates different states teach various health issues, including topics concerning HIV, STD, and pregnancy prevention. Alarming to me is the fact that less than one-fourth of schools across the country (out of the 36 states surveyed) teach youth how to use a condom. But Utah takes the cake -- only ONE PERCENT of schools teach condom usage there. Ugh. Virginia also has an embarrassingly low rate of 7.7%.

Kudos to New York where over half (59%) of school teach their students how to use condoms.

Are you in an online relationship? A research opportunity

This is an announcement I am passing along. This research is being conducted by a good friend of mine who can be trusted. She is a therapist who understands the need for confidentiality. She teaches a class on Sex and the Internet, and takes this issue very seriously (but has fun with it).

---Pasted Text Below---

I am conducting a study for my doctoral dissertation at Widener University, looking at characteristics of individuals who are involved in online romantic relationships with people they have never met face-to-face. I will be comparing people for whom these relationships are their primary romantic involvement, with people for whom these relationships are an addition to an off-line committed relationship.

If you have been or if you know of anyone who is involved in one of these online relationships (or has been involved in one), would you be so kind as to pass along this link to my study survey? http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/?p=WEB227TRXU5ZS2

This is a completely anonymous survey, and no data can be traced to any particular individual.

I appreciate any help you can give me in acquiring participants for this research!

Warmly,

Landi

Yolanda Turner
Assistant Professor, Psychology
Eastern University
St. Davids, Pa., 19087

The dangers of MySpace

Last weekend, I traveled four hours in a mom-van to Wildhorse Canyon, to participate in a young adult church retreat. Over lunch on Saturday, the table of eight talked about what we were doing in school (most of the 320 people that went were students), and what we eventually wanted to do. Since I am in school, am an intern (Hi Dr. Kris!) and am working part-time, I had a lot to say. As I mentioned that I work with how the internet is affecting teens’ sexuality, faces around the table began to turn inside out. As a member of one of the many left-leaning Christian churches in our gorgeous Pacific Northwest city, I was surprised by the reaction of a girl directly across the table from me.

Breathlessly, she almost shouted “the church doesn’t approve of the use of MySpace … by anyone!” and I couldn’t help but laugh. I played devil’s advocate (while at church camp! Oh no!) and asked her to show me in the Bible where that was mentioned “we are a Bible-based church, aren’t we?” I didn’t really mean to embarrass her, but I did, and she didn’t say too much to me the rest of lunch. Oops! Not the way to get conversations going, Sarah.

Another girl eventually started talking to me (while no one was watching … she couldn’t be associated with one of those* girls) about why she believed MySpace was dangerous. “You have a profile on there, and then perverts can find you and stalk you!” I was a little more tactful in explaining to her that you can have a private account; set up controls, keep strangers out (know my last name? only then can we be friends) and that you don’t have to branch out from your main circle of friends if you don’t want to. I think I know 95% of my friends list from in-person relationships.

I was able to talk to another guy at the table about how MySpace is creating positive opportunities for non-profit outreaches. He didn’t realize the positivity that could come from responsible MySpace use, and I felt really great being able to explain this stuff to these kids**. I offered not only the Virtual Mystery Tour’s MySpace address to them, but also my personal address as starting points if any of them ever got over their fear of "all the perverts". And we’ll see if they ever make eye contact with me at church again.

Really though, I was surprised to see such a different reaction to MySpace from people somewhat near my age group. Rather than experimenting with the internet, these 18- and 19-year-old students were acting like my mom; afraid that a misspelled word in Google would yield such wild pornography she'd never be the same. It makes me wonder whether the media is being “effective” in their campaign to scare the younger generation away from the internet. Time will tell. Until then I’ll be searching Leviticus for “If thine daughter maketh a MySpace account, sell her to the Canaanites.”



*aka – one who not only has a personal MySpace account, but also accesses another for school credit
**I later found out my table was mostly college Freshmen … almost a decade younger than me.

The Child Pornography Coverage Gets Smarter

This AP article has been making the rounds in all the major papers. It's about the same old, same old. Young persons taking nekked pics of themselves and then getting into trouble for it. Major trouble, that is. As in "charged with a felony for child pornography distribution" trouble. I've talked about this before, but I think it is one of the most important issues related to teen sexuality online for a number of reasons. One, it embodies the whole idea that teens are seeking approval and needing attention/to feel special. Two, it shows that teens trust each other (I honestly don't think they believe their pics are going to be plastered over the internet when they send one provocative photo to their (hopeful) sweetie). Three, this phenomenon shows that although youth are acting in similar ways as they always have (see One and Two), technology does make things different and the consequences are more serious as a result. Technology makes things not only move faster but also causes the consequences to be more widespread and permanent.

This is where I think this particular article, unlike many of the others I have read, starts to get smarter. Excerpts:
"It's often so spur of the moment that they're not thinking about where those images might end up"
"I think they just do it to impress their boyfriends. When he breaks up, he 'vents,' in his words, by posting them. He apparently didn't think there was anything wrong with it. He didn't know it was illegal."

These are comments coming from law enforcement. Before, quotes from this perspective were more along the lines of "how can they be so stupid," and "what they are doing is illegal." Now, of course my POV on these folk was only derived from previous quotes, but in these I hear a better understanding of not only the issue, but also how we might hope to tackle it. It's going to be a long time before we manage to incorporate technology into our sex education programs (heck, our programs are barely surviving as it is), but the cry for it is getting louder.

A Glimmer of Intelligence

I have had a lot of contact with the media in my life. I tend to research about timely and "sexy" topics, and that draws the attention of journalists. And, as you all know, I love to talk and philosophize about things that I really care about. So, put me on a phone with a media person who is trained to let someone blather away until they say something stupid or incriminating and you have a really bad combination from my POV...

But I have to say that for the first time I actually have been quoted somewhere and don't sound like a complete moron. Of course, the writer spelled my name wrong, so Googling this will be hard in the future, but hey. I am making strides. I can actually sound articulate sometimes! See?

This is an issue that I really struggle with intellectually and emotionally. No, I don't think it is a good idea for 12-year-olds to go around seducing older guys (or v.v., for that matter). Especially 28-year-old older guys. Blech. But when we seek to blame someone or something, where to point fingers? I am reluctant to blame parents here. I tend to blame the media, which really is a reflection of our society and cultural values. So, I guess I just blame America.

For as long as I can remember (which would be when I was that age) I have known the longing to have someone find me attractive. I also, when I was a bit older than this (summer after 7th grade), was courted by a college student and felt that I was the sexiest girl in the world because of it. I know how this 12-year-old felt on some level: validated, pretty, loved, desired. But my college boy and I did not have sex. We went out to diiner, kissed, and flirted and stared a lot, but that is as far as it went physically. So, I don't know how this 12 year old felt when she sought to have sex -- and did -- with a man more than twice her age. But I can imagine.

How do we get young persons to realize that the older guys who respond to them are sort of losers? It's a question that plagues me, educators, and parents everywhere. Problem is, I still don't see Seth as a lame-ass for being with me way back then. And I don't see me as damaged in any way by being with him (for three summers, I may add. It was a silly little romance that actually lasted for a bit). Maybe that is part of my problem. I can't find a solution until I realize that what happened to me is the very thing that as an adult I want to prevent, but as part of my memories is one of the best times of my life.

I told you to clean your room!

Taking risky opportunities in youthful content: teenagers’ use of social networking sites for intimacy, privacy and self-expression from New Media & Society (2008 SAGE Publications) has finally "scientifically" addressed my 4-year-old statement; "MySpaces are the virtual dirty bedroom of today's online teenagers."

Interviews of 16 teenagers (high school sophomore, juniors & seniors) conducted resulted in clarifications like "I think layouts really show like who you are. So look at the rainbow in that. I think that would make you sound very, like bubbly … I like to have different ones ... it’s different likes, different fashion, different feelings on that day." Like changing outfits, changing MySpace backgrounds shows a sense of who the owner may be; however teenagers are aware that profiles can be "just a front."

Interviews brought about an interesting discussion regarding the social differences between MySpace and Facebook. The elaborate layouts available on MySpace seem to be geared towards a younger crowd, while the older social networkers are drawn to the clean, white, everyone-has-the-same layout of Facebook. "This isn’t to show off my personality. I’m not trying to say, oh, I love purple or I love hearts … It’s more just like talking to three friends and, seeing as my friends know me, there’s no real need for me to advertise my personality."

Another interesting point Livingstone brings up is that idea that younger teens use their MySpace pages to create an elaborate identity with hundreds, sometimes even thousands of friends and classmates while older teens are using their pages to make authentic friendships and solid relationships. "Adult onlookers have been puzzled by youthful peer practices," states Sonia Livingstone (author of the article Dr. Kris sent me), and I’d love to sit down and talk with her, because I’m starting to be puzzled by these "youthful peer practices." However, this isn’t a new phenomenon.

My Grandpa Lloyd couldn’t (and still doesn't) understand why my dad had to have "The Long Hair." ("Girls wear rubber bands in their hair! Why do you want to go out with hair like that?") My Dad doesn’t get why I added seven extra earring holes to my body. ("If God had meant for you to have a ring in your nose, don't you think you'd have been born that way?") I don’t understand how teenagers can share so much information on their hot pink & green, flashing hearts & flowers MySpace page. Call me an old lady, but I’d be happier if teens kept more of their personal information private and cleaned up those dirty bedrooms!

Classroom Surfing

Slightly OT, but highly relevant to my career and generally related to this board. A recent NY Times blog post about college students surfing the net during class caught my eye. Written by Yale law professor Ian Ayres, it addresses the issue as to whether students should be allowed to browse online while in a lecture class. It's a tough topic, but one that I have been forced to think about and form opinions on, as it is relevant to my own classroom experiences.

Personally, I allow internet browsing, under certain circumstances. I see it as identical to sleeping, doing the crossword puzzle, or day dreaming in class. No, the student is not going to learn as much if they are not paying attention, but that is not my responsibility. It's theirs. If they want a good grade, surfing is not going to get them one.

Here is where I start to put limits on the surfing: if it is distracting other students. In the same way I ask students to stop talking during lecture, or when I wake up a student who is snoring, I do ask students to stop playing on their computers if what they are doing is distracting either other students or, frankly, me. And I tell them why I am asking. I literally stop lecture and ask them to cut it out because it is distracting. They usually do and often come down and apologize after class. And I accept the gesture.

This has not really been an issue yet, but I would also tell students I do not want them to surf in a seminar-type class where participation is crucial and respect for fellow students comes first. Surf all you want when I am talking. I am getting paid to do this, and I have enough tough skin to not take the behavior personally. But when a student is brave enough to express an opinion, that person deserves attention and respect. Blow me off all you want -- your grade will suffer, and that is the consequence. Do not blow off your colleagues. That is not OK. Ever.

Sometimes, however, a computer in the classroom is a good thing. People ask questions I can't answer (gasp!). Then there is some research-data-computer-addicted person there to save the day (see this Doonesbury comic also referenced by Ayres). We all just need to make sure that the answer provided is from a reliable source. I use this teachable moment to talk about why we would trust the answer being provided by the site. Students don't think about the quality of their references often enough. This helps them think about polishing that skill.

Bottom line is that students have always come to class and then never paid attention. If you can't deal with that fact -- don't teach. But we also need to consider how the method of not paying attention is affecting the rest of the students. Because they are who comes first. Build rules around that and I bet your classroom environment will be conducive to learning. Just not everyone will take you up on it.

A rose by any other name

When you visit sex education sites, do you expect to get that "warm-fuzzy" feeling? Planned Parenthood Columbia Willamette wants teenagers to feel just that, so they've started a new campaign: Take Care Down There. With skits & songs ranging from I didn't spew ("you can get a sexually transmitted infection ... even if you don't spew!") to Threesome ("you two have been makin' some intercourse, haven't you?") to the Down There Song, Planned Parenthood Columbia Willamette hopes to warmly welcome teenagers to their website to learn about sexual education. The Down There Song even surprised me - there were names for sexual organs that I had never heard of.

While I was entertained by the videos, I was plagued with the question; "will teens think this is too cheesy?" and "Is this as ridiculous as it seems to me?" and we want to know what you think about the site! Take a look at the videos, listen to the song, and let us know what you think? Beware though, the song is catchy and you may find yourself humming the tune all day long! Very few other bloggers have written about this new campaign, so we want to know what YOU think! Is this site TOO immature for teens? Share your honest opinion with us - we really want to know!



Another Planned Parenthood entry by the Virtual Mystery Tour can be found here.

Sexiest Grandma Retiring

AP wires report that Sue Johanson, the 70-something host of "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson," is going to retire. Her last show will air this Sunday on Oxygen, after six full seasons of frank, unabashed information about sexual positions, desire, technique, and fantasy. Sigh. We will miss you, Sue!

The good news is -- older broadcasts will be made available on Oxygen's web site.

Thank goddess for the internet.

Six Degrees of Separation

My 12-year-old niece has a MySpace that is somewhat typical of her age group. From what I can see, she says she’s older than she is so she can even have a MySpace, her about me reads like a text message ("and no1 else controls me...i don't blame any1 4 something stupid that i did... i take responsibility 4 my own actions") and her only blog entry is titled "oh life sucks!".

She’s atypical in one sense that I’ve complimented her mother on: she has no clear pictures of herself on her page. I recognize her in a few of the tiny pictures that she has up (because I’ve known her since she was born), but these would not be pervert fodder.

Looking at her friend’s pages I saw a much more typical teen MySpace page – a bright flashy background, dozens of pictures of themselves and their friends, and comments about how much they "luv" one another. For the majority of her immediate friends, their profiles were locked, so I couldn’t see much though. Encouraging, right?

Then I started looking at her friends’ friends, I was confused – 14 year olds with a Playboy background, flirty-looking photographs, and sometimes comments that made me blush.

A third step away from my niece blew me away. I found a 16 year old girl with the main picture of herself a full body shot of her in a bra & underwear with the main tagline "CoMe ON iN lIck Me LiKe A LoLlY PoP!!" This girl’s profile wasn’t pirvate so I was able to look at the photographs on her page. She had poses of herself that I wouldn’t let a professional photographer catch me in. Next to her "Me" album, she had a "my famz" album with over a dozen pictures of her toddler cousins. Talk about a juxtaposition.

MySpace pages are like a teenager's messy bedroom. It’s a place where they can freely (for the most part) express who they are – or who they’d like to be, but what does it mean for them when they leave their bedroom door open to strangers?

Different Ways to Express Oneself

Quick question -- what percent of teens do you think write just for the heck of it (not because they "have to" for school)?

Answer: A whopping 93% of teens say they write "for their own pleasure" according to a recent report by Pew Internet and American Life. That number astounded me. Given that 25% of adults haven't even read a book in the past year, I would have guessed that the number of teens writing -- creating their own texts -- would have been a lot lower. It's a reason to celebrate, IMO.

And what makes this finding even more astounding is that teens do NOT consider IMs, texts, and posting comments on social networking sites as "real writing." So there. Teens are actually putting pen to paper (or, more likely, fingers to keyboard) and laying out their thoughts. And, as Richard Sterling, director of the National Writing Project stated in a news article: "When teens are given a chance to write extensively, their writing improves dramatically

The downside is that sometimes the lines between electronic writing and schoolwork do blur. Over half (2/3 even) of teens say they use some form of electronic communication shorthand in their academic assignments, such as improper caps, shortcuts (ex: I used IMO above), and emoticons.

As a college instructor myself, I do not appreciate the use of the first two shorthands in my students' work. It is important that they know proper usage of capitalization and punctuation. As for the latter -- the use of emoticons -- I am a little less apprehensive. It's very difficult to convey the emotion one is feeling in a writing assignment. And let's face it, we aren't all going to be remembered as literary greats. So why not sneak it a smiley or frown-face so that the reader is assured of the intent of tone? In fact, I use emoticons when I grade papers to let the student know how I am feeling; maybe that is why I defend the practice ;-).

I like this study. It shows that teens enjoy writing, especially when they can use their writing to help express themselves and address things they care about. It's a glimmer of optimism among news that too often reports on the demise of teen character and the failure of our educational system.

@--->----

How Do I Love Thee? I Better Not Say...

CNET news reports that charges of "of aggravated harassment and endangering the welfare of a child" against 18-year-old Isaiah Rodriguez have been dropped. He was accused of this behavior because he left a series of messages professing his undying devotion to a 14-year-old girl on her MySpace page.

According to CNET, the harassing words in question were: "I love you;" "we need to be together;" I will see you every day;" and "I will never stop trying to talk to you."

Ruling in favor of Rodriguez, Judge Michael Gerstein stated:
" The words "we need to be together;" "I will never stop talking to you;" and "I love you" are not threats, but appear to be merely the symptoms of unrequited love--the same hopeless affection that, among countless others, Dante felt for Beatrice; Don Quixote for Dulcinea; Cyrano for Roxane; Quasimodo for Esmeralda; Young Werner for Lotte; Jay Gatsby for Daisy Buchanan; and that Charlie Brown felt for the Little Red Haired Girl. While these romances do not usually end well for the pursuing party, the People have cited neither statute nor case law that might punish the communication of unrequited love, even if such is undesired."

The defense also could have cited Helen Fisher's work on love as evidence that we don't know what the heck we are doing when we first fall in love:


But it does beg the question, at what point does/should age difference matter here? If the guy was 50, not 18, would the charges still be dropped? What if the two youth were both 14? Technically, the age gap from 14 to 18 is statutory rape territory. Though apparently no physical contact took place, it is somewhat surprising to me that age was not discussed more in this article.

Cyberexhibitionism

While in a game’s uncensored chat room last night, a couple began chatting. Rather than asking one another how their weekend had been, they began to talk explicitly about pouring melted chocolate over each other, licking it off, and then … well I’ll give you three guesses where the rest of the conversation went. The couple were told to "get a room" as their conversation escalated, but instead told the dissenter to "mute" them or to "go find your own room if this bothers you ... it’s uncensored chat!" I play in uncensored rooms to see these kinds of interactions; I am intrigued by what makes a person want to share details of their sex life with strangers. Is it narcissism? Do they actually want the attention conversations like this create?

Online narcissism runs rampant. The multitude of social networking sites, blogging platforms, role-playing games and chat rooms allow material that a person doesn’t even share with his or her closest friend to be hung on the laundry line for all to see. Not only is the material there to see, but it’s meant to be looked at and talked about. As a member of the first generation who has essentially always had the internet, I am rarely surprised at what people share online. However, the cyberexhibitionist conversation I read last night was one of those surprises.

Why would this couple refuse to move their very provocative (and somewhat "alternative") conversation to private chat? Did they want all of us reading about what they would do if they had white chocolate AND dark chocolate on their hands? Maybe they’re online exhibitionists. I don’t know whether the chatters were getting off from sharing their conversation with the public, but it made me wonder about the prevalence of online exhibitionism. This "cyberexhibitionism," a term coined by Charles Sykes in his book The End of Privacy: The Attack on Personal Rights at Home, at Work, On-Line and in Court, is a new word for a relatively old deed.

Although I was witness to adult cyberexhibitionism, most people know that online exhibitionism exists for teens as well (visit MySpace and look at teens' pictures – cyberexhibitionism at its finest!). Teen chat rooms are oftentimes uncensored and while it’s been a long time since I spent any time in one, I’m positive that this kind of talk occurs. Is this another way for teens to learn about sex online? Is it a healthy way for teens to learn about sex? Have you ever been an unintended audience to cyberexhibitionists? Did it bother you to see such uncensored talk of sexual acts in public forums?

Stay Tuned for Exciting News!

I'm off to the Adolescent Sexuality Conference in Seaside, OR. I hope to update you on the latest thoughts, ideas, and inspirations when I return!

Interesting (scary?) Thought

I was chatting with a student who is also a mother of a 4-year-old. As we were walking to the bus, she commented on how she was nervous about the role the internet is going to play in her child's life. After all, she didn't have computers growing up. What should she expect?

Then, she said something that I found very powerful. She said that there was no sense in her prohibiting computer use once he gets a little older because "by the time he is old enough to surf unsupervised, he will be able to hold his computer in his hand. I can't see what he will be doing!"

Wow. She's probably right. We have no idea where technology is going to take us. I mean, iPhones and other devices already have internet capabilities. It's going to be mainstream in no time.

Bottom line is, we can't focus on restricting access. We need to focus on teaching young persons how to use technology smartly and respectfully. Integrating this education into schools is going to be essential.

Become the Bimbo you always wanted to be!

There has been quite the stir about a intriguing website; MissBimbo. Geared toward the “tween” set, this site allows users of any age (although the creator states that it is geared towards nine- to 16-year-olds) to create their own “Bimbo.” Remember those Tamagotchi toys that everyone had a few years ago? This site has been likened to a perverted (both literally & figuratively) online version of those toys.

200,000 girls have created their own “Bimbo” they spend about 20 minutes a day playing Sudoku, buying new clothes and even hooking up with fake boys. The site also allows you to “face-off” with other “Bimbos” doing challenges. Doing these things earns you “Bimbo dollars” and “Bimbo Attitude points” which up your status on the website so that you can “stop at nothing to become the reigning bimbo!”

I tried to sign up (who doesn’t want a naked virtual character to babysit, earn money for & dress in “clubbing clothes”?) and was fully registered before receiving an email: “due to unforeseen worldwide interest in Miss Bimbo we have had difficulty in maintaining our game in the manner players have been accustomed.” No publicity is bad publicity? What happens when it shuts down your website? I may keep an eye on this to see if I can eventually join.

Different areas of the game encourage you to do certain actions:
“Accidentally forget to wear underwear – two days of guaranteed publicity!”
Level 7: “After you broke up with your boyfriend you went on an eating binge! Now it’s time to diet … your target weight is less than 132lbs.”
Level 9: “Have a nip & tuck operation for a brand new face. You’ve found work as a plus-sized model. To gain those vivacious curves, you need to weigh more than 154lbs.”
Level 11: “Bigger is better! Have a breast operation.”

These action requests are what cause comments such as those from Dee Dawson, a medical director of Rhodes Farm Clinic in England “This is as lethal as pro-anorexia websites. A lot of children will get caught up with the extremely damaging & appalling messages.” Beat chief executive Susan Ringwood agrees saying that “the website could make girls believe that weight & body size manipulation [are] acceptable.” I grew up playing Pac-Man and have yet to eat a bunch of dots after chasing them around in a dark maze. I also played a game where Bugs Bunny used ether to kill zombies and I’ve never had the urge to knock someone out with the anesthetic.

I really don’t know whether to laugh at the site & the hubbub about it, or to be disturbed by the site & encouraged by the outrage towards it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to virtually “bag [my] billionaire boyfriend” to earn mucho “mula”.

Do you think that a “Himbo” version would ever be released? Why or why not?

Public vs. Private

NPR's All Things Considered discussed teen's use of the internet (social networking in particular) and their feelings on privacy. The new stats: 93% of 12-17 year-olds are online and most log on every day. More numbers to remind us this is the new way of doing things.

Mary Madden, a Senior Researcher at Pew Internet and American Life, was the expert and introduced me to a new phrase: "self literacy." Though I am not sure if it is that much different that "self-awareness" in the age of technology, I think it captures an essential aspect of online activity. That we all need to be aware of what information people can find out about us by simply surfing the 'net. She states that although most teens are "savvy about their privacy," by restricting access to their information to their friends only, sometimes a person's friend list can number in the hundreds which is not so "private" after all. She suggests that everyone Google their name in order to find out what others can learn about you.

The part that struck me most was that parents and their kids could do this together. Each could Google their name and see what comes up. That was a little creepy to me. That whole realization that this concept has been around long enough that parents and their teens can air their dirty laundry to each other in front of a screen. All this, Madden states, is going to force us into a culture that has to be more forgiving of our "personal leftover data gone bad."

No more hemming and hawing when your kid asks you if you inhaled...

Sniff sniff

This is sort of creepy. The London Times reports on a new Facebook/mobile phone application that gives people an electronic map showing the location of their friends. Called Sniff, for Social Network Integrated Friend Finder, it works by having the registered phone send a signal to nearby base stations. Then "positioning software performs a triangulation calculation on the information from the base stations and converts it into a geographical location." Just like on Without a Trace!

Although in the article Useful Networks, the American company behind Sniff, swears that only people who give active permission could be electronically tracked by the service, I remain unconvinced. Parents with power over their children, partners with abusive relationships, can all use this technology to stalk or harass. I am especially concerned about teens in unhealthy relationships all too easily succumbing to this.

On a lighter note, this sentence cracks me up: "Users can specify who can and can not sniff them, or whether they are open to be sniffed by anyone on the network."

Sounds like a good day at the park for my dog.

Teens creating "adult" content

I have been wondering about teens who write fanfiction and more specifically whether teens write stories that are rated "mature" for sexual content. This interest stems from my overall interest in how the internet impacts sexuality and sexual development and also from the fact that when I was young I was an avid fan of several TV shows (and starstuck by the leads) that were popular back then. I can't help but wonder how large a role fandom would have played in my life had Television Without Pity existed when I was a kid.

From a research standpoint I have taken a very strategic approach to this question through triangulation. I study the impact of the internet on teen sexuality while also investigating adult-authored erotic fanfiction. Eventually, I tell myself, it will be "safe" to actually take a systematic look at how teens use fanfiction to express their sexuality -- or at the very least write about sex. But today I simply decided to take a little sneak peek to answer the simple question: Do teens write sexually explicit material and publish it online?

Answer: Of course they do.

In about 15 minutes of exploring a popular fanfiction site, I read one story about Draco giving Harry a blow job and another featuring two characters on the OC having wild sex after a party (red lingerie included). Both stories were allegedly written by 17-year-old women (pictures and "about me" statements included in their bios help validate their claims).

So, what to make of this? Not sure. Should we cringe at the very idea that teens are writing stories that they are banned from purchasing? Or should we celebrate the fact that they are expressing themselves sexually in a relatively safe environment? I mean, you can't get pregnant or an STD from writing sexy stories now, can you? And at least they are not sending naked pictures of themselves, a crime with potentially serious consequences.

It will be a long while before anyone really pays attention to this phenomenon. But when they do, you can bet adults will be upset. Adults are always upset when they hear stories about teens expressing their sexuality -- never mind their sexual desire. And writing fanfiction is all about desire. I just hope that when people realize this is going on, that there are many worse things out there that can actually cause harm.

Children "harming" themselves

Another story about youth sending naked pictures of themselves to each other through their cell phones. This one is a little different because it involves middle school students (6th and 7th graders) instead of the usual "barely legal" kids that are getting caught. The charge against them was also interesting; each of the four youth (two boys, two girls) were charged with possessing "material harmful to minors," a misdemeanor. Though much better than slapping these young persons with child pornography charges (a felony subject to resulting in sex offender registration), the phrasing of the law is rather striking here. Images of their bodies are harmful to themselves? Or, taken in a more adolescent egocentric way "a picture of my body can cause harm to my friend? I didn't think I looked that bad..."

I understand when laws are in place to prevent such picture sharing when the goal is to protect youth from the potential mass distribution of a photo they only meant their current sweetie/crush/lust object to see. But to charge them with possessing a picture that would harm them in some way? That to me seems a bit odd, disconcerting, and potentially backfiring:
"Why was I arrested, officer?"
"Because you had in your possession some pictures that can cause you harm."
"But that's a picture of my girlfriend. I think she is beautiful. I dig her."
OR
"You mean that a picture of me naked might mess someone up?"

You can see where unhealthy lessons about sexuality and body image can easily be the take home messages here.

Big Surprise: Single Women Have Sex, Too!

As a single woman, a media update from Guttmacher landed in my inbox today and elicited a "Hello Captain Obvious!" reaction from me; "Single Women Have Sex Too". According to the census, there are over 1.3 million single women in the United States. The Guttmacher Institute acknowledges that these women are having sex, but are being unfairly educated with “abstinence-only” education. Something isn’t right here. Teenagers are having sex, single people are having sex, married people are having sex, but schools are still not educating people. I don't understand. (Well, when I think about politics, I understand, but it still makes very little sense to me.)

“For the majority of adult women, living without a partner does not mean living without sex,” says study author Laura Lindberg. “Yet policymakers continue to promote policies that fly in the face of reality. By neglecting to teach our youth how to protect themselves against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, we leave them ill prepared to become sexually healthy adults.”

While the topic, at first, seems distant from our regular discussions, I would be curious to see more research done on how the internet is doing the sexual educating that schools aren't. I will be excited to see, later in my life, whether or not the single women of the next generation will be having safer sex due to their internet education.

Lindberg probably puts it best with that last quoted line - if our teenagers don't learn how to have safe sex, how are future adults going to know how?

To emphasize or de-emphasize danger?

In a battle of the experts, Dr. Amy Tiemann takes issue with David Pogue's New York Times article How Dangerous is the Internet for Children? His answer: not very. Her answer: there are still risks! Of course, both are right. But I still side with Pogue.

Pogue may have gone overboard by writing "I could not find a single example of a preteen getting abducted and murdered by an Internet predator," because Tiemann rebuts with an example of a 13-year-old who was abducted and killed, balking at the idea of an arbitrary age cutoff. Still going to her tragic example's memory page, one still cannot determine the important factor: Did this young girl willingly go off with this man? Sure, the parents state that they knew their daughter would never go off with a man she didn't know and without telling her family, but, do we really know that was the case? Of course this young girl did not ask to be murdered. She wanted only good to come out of her online friendship. But I hesitate to say that a child will ALWAYS tell their parents EVERYTHING.

A horrible story? Yes. But again, we need to ask: How typical is it? The answer, by investigating news stories and research remains the same -- highly unlikely. As Pogue states "The tales of pedophiles luring children out of their homes are like plane crashes: they happen extremely rarely, but when they do, they make headlines everywhere."

It's the nature of the beast: media cover sensational stories and we respond viscerally to them. But the same way I still plan to get on an airplane tomorrow, so should parents allow their children to explore the internet. Should we use precautions? Heck yes. I fasten my seatbelt, fly on professional airlines, and listen to the safety warnings. Internet users can benefit from similar safety precautions. But let's not prevent the journeys they will take from happening at all.

Pornography Support to Effect Planned Parenthood Funding

Conservative, pro-life government officials like Steve King* of Iowa and Joseph Pitts* of Pennsylvania are asking for federal funding to be pulled from a Planned Parenthood subsidiary – the website TeenWire - as it recently posted an article which seems to promotes teen use of pornography. According to Planned Parenthood’s 2005-2006 Annual Report, they received approximately $305 million in federal funding, and when there are no federal programs out there which promote comprehensive sexuality education (teaching about abstinence and contraception), representatives are apt to frown upon monies being used for that purpose.

Unfortunately, even for this free-sexuality-expression supporter, the issue isn’t black and white. While I support the encouragement of masturbation and outercourse for teens in relationships looking for sexual gratification, backing underage pornography viewing is dangerous territory. TeenWire’s piece on Birth Control Choices For Teens encourage "safer" sex with by suggesting using fantasy in relationships: "many couples can read or watch sexy stories or pictures together. They can also share or act out sexy fantasies. People do it in person, on the phone, surfing the Internet, or through e-mail or instant messaging."

Another advice piece, Porn vs. Reality, reminds readers of the site (which is geared to "to provide medically accurate sexual health information for teens on the Internet") that it is illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to view pornography. However, TeenWire also acknowledges that not everyone follows the rules and then provides a pseudo-warning; "people have different ideas of what is arousing, and there are many different kinds of porn that appeal to people's different interests."

Akin to abstinence-plus sexuality education, this "warning" acknowledges that just because teens are told not to do something doesn’t mean that all of them are going to obey (and that they should be careful looking for porn as they might come across something they don’t want to see). TeenWire offers a disclaimer or sorts for those that are unwilling to follow the rules; but does this promote more underage pornography viewing? Opponents to broad sexuality education argue that teaching teens about sex leads to more sex; but what do you think? Does teaching teens about pornography lead them to use more pornography?

A link to the original article that prompted this entry.
Dr. Karen Rayne helps a teenager at her church buy a vibrator.
Reproductive Health Reality Check addresses the defunding of Planned Parenthood’s preventative health care measures.


*Specific representative names found on this article.

Right and Wrong Ways to "Catch a Predator"

According to Reuters, the US Federal Courts will continue to hear the case dealing with the $100 million lawsuit against NBC. NBC's series, "To Catch a Predator" is being blamed for the suicide of a former Texas prosecutor who was caught up in its popular sting strategy.

Assistant district attorney Louis Conradt shot himself in November 2006 after police officers came to his home in Terrell, Texas, accompanied by an NBC news crew planning to film his arrest for the television show. Conradt was allegedly expecting to meet up with a 13-year-old boy he believed he was communicating with online.

The tension is over the issue of entrapment. Critics of To Catch a Predator say the show does not report news, but rather makes news by luring people into illegal activities they normally would not do. Supporters say this show has done a great service keeping potential child molestors away from our children. The results of the hearing seemed to side with the critics "a reasonable jury could find that NBC crossed the line from responsible journalism to irresponsible and reckless intrusion into law enforcement."

Media skews portrayal of internet sex offenders

In any given month, the news reports the story of Lacey, a 5th grade girl who was sharing intimate facts (as intimate as a 5th grader can be) with a fellow grade-school student from a neighboring school. Through chats, MySpace and text messages, Lacey and this boy have been planning to meet. After lying to her mom about meeting her girlfriends at the mall, Lacey’s mom drops her off. This young girl is then abducted, raped and then found dead in a ravine six weeks later. Come to find out, this 5th grade boy Lacey was talking to turned out to be a 40-year-old pedophile who had been sitting in the park stalking Lacey. This is the “stereotypical” situation but contrary to popular belief, not the typical cast in the screenplay of internet sex offenses.

Researchers from Crimes Against Children Center at the University of New Hampshire recently published a study showing “most online sex offenders are adults who target teens and seduce victims into sexual relationships.” By taking their time, the targeted youth (mainly female), see the relationship as a “romance” or a “sexual adventure.” Many girls also see this as a healthy relationship with an adult which they may be lacking at home.

According to the study’s authors, educational efforts directed specifically at teens might help them understand the negative aspects and incompatibility of a romantic relationship with an adult online. With frank, open and honest discussions of the behaviors that put one at risk of “internet-initiated sex crimes,” parents and educators may be able to reduce teens risk.

The study also showed that a use of social network sites (such as MySpace or Facebook) do not increase teens risk of becoming a victim of an online sex offender, but it may be the other risky behaviors that lead to trouble. Keeping a buddy list on an online chat program (YIM, AIM, Google chat, etc) that includes strangers, talking to those strangers about sex and “being rude” or “nasty” online (which honestly is quite a subjective idea) were all mentioned as risks. Unfortunately for me, simply writing this blog for you, I have put myself at risk; I’m talking to strangers about sex!

What do you think about the full article? Are you surprised to learn that the media isn’t always painting the “correct” picture?

For more opinions, check out
NetFamilyNews’ ‘Predator’ myths exposed: Study
Infocult: Information, Culture, Policy, Education’s post New study hits internet pedophile fears
Boston Public Schools Myths about online predators post
Perpetual Parenting’s post Most Internet Sex Offenders Target Teens, Not Kids

Better than class outdoors!

Brandon Hall Research announced in its newsletter that it held a meeting in Second Life. Benefits included a "novel environment" that energized and inspired creativity, being able to hold a meeting in a plesant setting (they chose outdoors with picnic tables), and seeing physical representations of those who they had only heard the voices of. Downsides include lack of practical meeting tools and inexperienced meeting goers finding it difficult to navigate.

Now that the weather is getting nicer where I live, students are starting to plead "can we have class outside?" I wish. I really do. But there is no way I could compete with the distractions of the sun, birds, and passers-by. Can you imagine having class in Second Life? Distractions could include:
1. Students changing outfits (or disrobing) in the middle of class.
2. Forget paper airplanes -- students themselves would fly around
3. All avatars would look hot and sexy, distracting the teacher.
4. Sex everywhere. Boring lecture? No problem. Just hump the avatar next to you...

So, the idea needs work. The Brandon Hall group even admitted that someone jumped into a nearby hottub at the end of their meeting.

An Offhand Remark

I teach a college level course in Human Sexuality and my guest speaker today was from a local organization that goes to different schools to talk to middle and high school students about sex and relationships (it's this last part that makes the program particularly unique). During the class, the speaker discussed some of the activities and topics that they address in secondary education -- one of them being the importance of setting sexual limits with partners. So, the speaker asks the class: "What is a good way to talk about sexual limits with someone that you are with?"

Without hesitation, someone in my class yells out "Talk to them about it on MySpace." Another said "IM them." It was the first time that my own students (who are "older youth," given that they are college students) were offering online solutions to relationship problems. It made me realize that my "target population" is no longer only in secondary education. They are right in front of me.

A Tragic Story

Dr. Kathryn Faughey, a psychologist who specialized in relationship therapy, was murdered in her office in Manhattan last night. Faughey was an expert in addressing the role the internet plays in not only romances, but also in break-ups, counseling her clients on how to destroy all lingering memories and artifacts of failed relationships that can be found on the computer. She was featured in a NY Times article on how the internet and digital technology impact ending relationships.

On a day that is supposedly (thanks, Hallmark and other commercial venues) supposed to be about love and togetherness, we are reminded brutally that those who try to mend broken hearts place themselves at risk.

Concerned about Internet Safety? Think "Old" School

A recent study in Pediatrics (summarized nicely here at PRNewswire) finds that youth are most likely to experience sexual solicitation and harassment in IMs -- not on social networking sites. More specifically, harassments were experienced at almost twice the rate on IM as compared to SN.

Crimes against "children" by "children"

Another news feature on youth distributing racy pictures of themselves that are legally considered pornography. This story is based out of Southwest Florida, where Lieutenant Tom Smith of Collier County's Child Sex Crime Unity is quoted as saying: "We've had 5-6 cases in the past six months where kids have been taking photos of themselves or friends engaged in sexual activity."

As with all these stories, the solution seems to be to talk with your kids about the ramifications of doing this. More superficial advice comes from the expert on teen internet use, Dr. Russ Sabella: "Consider giving them a cell phone with limited capabilities. Why do they need video recording capabilities on their cell phones anyway?" He also states that motivations for sending these pictures include wanting to mimic celebrity sex tapes.

I think getting behind youth motivation to send these pictures is key. If it is to imitate the celebs, then warning them about mass distribution of the photos would be a bad strategy (instead, it might be wiser to talk about the criminality of the act). If the goal for taking the picture is to impress a crush, better relationship education may be in order. If the reason is to get back at someone, we need to think about netiquette, cyberbullying prevention efforts, and empathy raising. But we won't know until we ask.

Cutest video ever!

In the spirit of sharing links and encouraging sex education online, I want to show off Marvin and his Condom Friends -- an animated short about proper condom use designed for middle schoolers. Marvin's story is part of a larger sex ed curriculum It's Your Game, Keep It Real that includes both in-class and computer-based lessons. He and the condom team are cute and seem to go over the basics on proper condom use. Except what happened to the important lesson of leaving room at the tip? This video gets it right, but isn't as entertaining as talking condoms. And the follow-up interactive lesson provided by It's Your Game does make a point of it, but IMO, can be overlooked.

I'd love to know what you think! Would you be happy to see Marvin at your middle school? What would you do if you saw a thirteen-year-old checking out these videos?

Back from Sex::Tech!

Whew! What a great experience. I was exhausted at the end of both days, mostly because I think there was a lot to process. Most the conferences I go to are of the "academic nerd" type, and focus mostly on research. The sex::tech conference was mostly about what people are DOING. I liked that change of pace, but sometimes I struggled with it because I wanted to know if things actually WORKED.

Best overall resource goes to Sexuality and U, based out of Canada. Lots of interactive tools as well as information -- I especially like the contraceptive choice tool, but it's hard to pass up the Sex-Fu Challenge -- who doesn't want to become a Master in that domain? The representatives of Sexuality and U were very open about admitting to the lack of diversity on their site, especially in relation to sexual minority populations. But they are working on it! It was also cool to hear that Advocates for Youth will also be updating their site, adding more interactive features.

One of the big take-away messages for me was that we are all struggling to figure out the best ways to use technology to help youth live safer, happier and fulfilling lives. The emphasis on positivity as opposed to fear was refreshing. And the abundance of youth present at the sessions kept us honest and in-check. If, after all, we claim to want to help these folks, not including them in our discussions is a big mistake. A special thanks to all who attended and extra kudos to those who were brave enough to speak out.

Cyberbullying and sexuality

In converstations and presentations, I have often remarked on how in coverage of cyberbullying, the sexual component is often ignored -- yet it is an integral part of this phenomenon. Another example of how cyberbullying and sexuality often go hand in hand is the story featured in the San Jose Mercury News this week about a "practical joke" in which classmates placed an ad in a 15-year-old's name soliciting sex with men, listing his home phone number. They also hacked into his MySpace profile, changing his orientation to "gay." The boy and his family received a ton of phone calls and the boy himself ended up dropping out of school over the incident.

The article in the Mercury chooses to focus on cyberbullying in general, why it happens (the anonymity effect), and how this type of bullying leaves a "paper trail" making it easy to catch those who do it. But the sex conversation is lost, even though the other example given concerned a "slut list" of 23 girls created on MySpace by San Jose middle school students.

At the Sex Tech Conference this week, I hope to convey the message that talk about cyberbullying and online safety cannot be done without explicitly talking about sex and sexuality. They are so intertwined -- why is sex not entering the conversation? Well, we know why -- because sex talk is avoided whenever possible. But if we are to create effective interventions around healthy internet use, this disconnect needs to end.

Virtual Today, Reality Tomorrow

The cover story of my alumni rag, The Stanford Magazine, gives us a sneak peek into how researchers there are investigating the effects of online interactions and subsequent IRL behaviors. Example: people who were assigned more attractive avatars on a mock online dating site were more likely to approach more attractive people in a real-life interaction later on. Conclusion? We looked good during the online encounter and therefore our confidence increased; that confidence continued into our physical world existence and behaviors. Crazy, huh?

Here's something a little more creepy. Dr. Nick Yee, a researcher at Stanford's Virtual Human Interaction Lab, has noted that the virtual world of Second Life tends to be an exaggerated, stereotypical version of the one we currently live in. And the avatars tend to reflect "an overemphasis on looking stereotypically good." The implications? Gender stereotypes and expectations of beauty are reinforced, not challenged. Uh-oh. I know I am guilty of this. My avatar in Second Life (a total noob, but she is out there once in a Blue Moon) is sexy and cute, and she could just as easily be the opposite. But it's hard to do something like that. I don't think I would enjoy walking around looking less than spectacular. That may say something -- a lot -- about who I am, but I am by no means alone. I want to look good and Second Life offers me that option.

This work piggybacks on previous research that states that youth tend to engage in online pretending more to create an ideal self -- a slightly exaggerated version of who they already are -- not to reinvent themselves. So, if they create an ideal self, will they become it? Stay tuned. There's more work to be done.

Self-Promotion for the Greater Good

As a professional sex educator, I belong to AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. One group of savvy, dedicated, people. The listserv there is an invaluable resource for those of us who yearn for sound information and advice about working in this field. Yeah, sex can be lonely at times.

Currently, there is a discussion thread on the value of self-promotion. And a particular post struck me. It was written by M. Francesca Gentille, of Personal Life Media; I post an excerpt from it with her permission:

"If we choose not do undertake when we are authors, media producers, workshop leaders, counselors, educators and/or therapists, we may be failing the very community we wish to serve.

Why? Because without promotion (etc) they won't be able to find us, even when they are seeking us.

I imagine that promotion and marketing have gotten a bad name because we often perceive that soulless business corporations, that care less for our wellness than our cash, are manipulating our ego or arousal to have us purchase products we don't need. To reach the public, we must release this negative and limiting belief. We know our own intentions and product (information - education - training). We must breakthrough our own resistance and even the concerns of our peers, to reach out. I encourage us to continue to lovingly support, cheer on, encourage, and applaud one another's efforts of promotion.

As Marty says, there is a war against vibrant sexuality in our country (and in other countries as well). It is an often a covert war of manipulation, misinformation, and scapegoating. It takes courage, commitment, and endurance to keep fighting this war in our minds, our bodies, our homes, our religions, our offices, our schools, our workshops, and in our media ( books, articles, interviews, radio, and TV).

It is hard enough "out there." At times I have been vilified by my neighbors for being a sex counselor. (Due to their fears and misinterpretations)... kudo's to ALL of you for your efforts out in the world. Let me know how I may support you to do more and be more effective in getting your message out to the world."

Since I could not have said it better myself, I didn't try. Thank you, Francesca, and if any of you out there need help promoting your quest for healthy sexuality (not those money-making "soulless" gimmicks referred to above), let me know.

All but one: 49 states sign off on MySpace safety rules

MySpace and 49 U.S. state attorneys general agreed on some safety guidelines for protecting youths on the Internet. According to Reuters, measures include creating an e-mail registry that would allow parents to prevent their children from creating an online profile for the network and making the default profile setting for 16 and 17-year-olds "private" "so they can only be contacted by people they know, making it harder for sexual predators to find them."

Texas was the only state to abstain (gee, I see a trend with that place....)

Although I appreciate the sincerity behind creating these guidelines, I still feel they aren't taking us in the right direction -- and potentially leave people with a false sense of security. Creating a registry to prevent a youth from creating an online profile? Wow, that's a stumbling block. It's so hard to get a new email account to bypass this hurdle. It might take 5 minutes out of a youth's busy day! And it's not like there aren't other options. Only MySpace is a part of this deal. What about the other social networking sites? Or is MySpace the only trouble area in the eyes of the attorneys general?

And making the default setting for older teens "private"? I haven't looked into this (not being 16 or 17 myself, thank goddess), but I am assuming the default can be changed by said youth if desired. Or, the oh-so-difficult process of lying about one's age can overcome anything that is perceived as a barrier. That is, if one wants to have a public profile. Many teens choose to keep things private. So, these aren't the youth that will benefit from this change in regulations. They are already protecting themselves!

Midwest Teen Sex Show on CBS

CBS reports on The Midwest Teen Sex Show, a video available for podcast that addresses teen sexuality using a young, frank, silly approach. Though touted in this article as "sex ed," I don't think that is what the Teen Sex Show is. I like how sex educator Erika Pluhar states it in the CBS article: "I would want them to be dialogue starters, rather than stop, period, end of sentence." And indeed, the show itself has a disclaimer identifying it as entertainment and a conversation starter. And even in one of the blog comments, creator Nikol says "We are not educators. We do not pretend to be. This is not an educational site and it is not intended for children to view."

So, why CBS calls it "education" is beyond me.

The show does address some very taboo topics. Anal sex, for one. While there is some good information hidden among the dialogue (ease your way into it, make sure you use plenty of lube), I wonder if the focus on "poop" is for humor or to somehow turn youth off to the idea while simultaneously offering information. Hard to tell. Based on the comments offered by people, they seemed to like the "do unto others" moral of the story and ignored the "messy" focus all together.

Your Vote Counts!

Vote for your favorite video submitted to the Fresh Focus Video Contest: Why Is Sex So Interesting and Sex Ed So Boring?

There's great variety in the finalists -- humor, heart-wrenching stories, animation, real-life, true stories, they are all worth a look!

I can't wait to see who wins when I go to the Sex Tech Conference in a couple of weeks!

Getting Personal Online

The cover feature of November 2007's APA Monitor (yeah, I am a bit behind in my reading), was Children and the Internet. One of the features, "Socially Wired," specifically addressed how and with whom teens interact online. A good portion of the article features the results of a study conducted in the Netherlands by Dr. Patti M. Valkenberg. Among the interesting findings:

• Teens who communicated online felt closer to their friends.
• Almost 1/3 of teens said they were better able to share intimate information about themselves online than in person -- especially when interacting with the opposite sex.

I would be interested in seeing whether there were any strong gender differences; my hunch would be that boys may be more likely to disclose online that in person, given that they are more likely to be socialized out of expressing feelings face-to-face. Or maybe the gender expectations about self-disclosure simply parallel those that we see offline. Hopefully we will see more studies like these in the future.

What Inspires Us?

An "interesting" article in the Washington Post takes issue with academics who study social networking. I know a lot of people who begrudge the Ivory Tower, but never had I seen it so blatantly attacked and mocked. To quote: "The culture of academia is like a land rush: professors poised around the edges of each new intellectual territory, waving flags emblazoned with theoretical frameworks, making frenzied dashes to stake claim on new topics, ready to shoot trespassers." Or how about " The lingo makes you want to give everyone with a PhD an atomic wedgie." I mean, really.

I'll admit: academe is a very competitive career choice, especially if you desire the all-coveted tenure-track position (note: I have opted not to go this route, placing me somewhat on the outside of this article's target range). And it is important in academe to publish, be noticed, and get the grant money flowing your way. But, is that why some are choosing to study social networking? Possibly, but I am not sure how likely that is.

Why do I study the internet? Because it's cool. It's fun and interesting. It's literally changed the entire way we communicate with each other. It's changed the process of learning. That's heavy stuff. Sure, MySpace is usually seen as a time waster, but a lot of living goes on in there, other SN sites, and virtual worlds like Second Life. Why shouldn't the intellectually curious be fascinated by it all?

Maybe I'm being defensive. It's a natural reaction. Or maybe articles like these make me realize it's important for people who study certain topics (usually those related to human interactions and phenomena) to be more transparent about their motivations for doing so. We don't pick topics out of mid-air to study. Sure, sometimes an advisor or mentor steers us in a certain direction, but those of us who decide to enter the 21st grade as it were, choose to be in school that long because something interests us to the point of obsession or passion. Or we have some internal itch to scratch. As my college boyfriend would say "Us Psychology majors are all here for a reason."

Rarely are we motivated to do what we do just to see our name in the newspaper. And if we are, then we are misguided -- there are much easier ways to do that.

Note: Chuck Tryon, an assistant professor of film and media studies at Fayetteville State University blogs about this attack on academics much more eloquently than I.

Why Is Sex So Interesting and Sex Ed So Boring?

Here's a cool video contest for youth. DoGooderTV and Advocates for Youth are joining forces to host an opportunity for young people to use digital tech to talk about their sex education or tell people how to make it better. First prize gets $3500. No small potatoes!

I personally can't wait to see the entries, some of which are already posted here. As a professor of Human Sexuality at the college level, I have collected the stories of students' "sex education so far." And the themes I read, by and large, are quite negative, or uninspiring at best. It will be great to hear youth tell us a thing or two about how to do our job!

Ego Surfing: Guilty as Charged

Another new report from Pew Internet and American Life finds that almost half of Internet users (47%) have searched for information about themselves online. I've done it. It's sort of interesting, actually. For example, did you know that I hold the Colorado high school record for longest field goal? OK, I guess someone else must share the same name as I, but it's cool to think of the possibility...

Funny thing is, most online adults (61%) don't really do much to limit the amount of information about them online. Is this one of those cases when we tell our youth "do as I say, not as I do?"

Girlspace

A new report released by Pew Internet and American Life shows that girls are more likely than boys to use social media (blogs, social networking sites, etc.). More than one-third of girls (35%) blog, compared to only one in five boys. Older online girls (ages 15-17) are more likely to have used social networking sites than boys the same age --70% vs. 54%. And over half of girls stated they have posted a photo online -- 40% of boys have done the same. Boys, however, are more likely to post videos. Almost one in five boys (19%) have done so compared to only 10% of girls.

These gender difference seem to parallel the typical gender roles that we see already. Girls are more likely to express and stay in touch. Ergo, they blog and have online profiles. And boys are more likely to be techhies. Therefore, they post videos.

But no matter what content these youth are posting online, they are getting reactions: the majority of youth who post content online say they get comments at least "sometimes." Three-quarters post comments themselves. What they do is truly social networking

You can read a summary of the report at the San Jose Mercury News.

Reality Bites

Maybe it's the kudos received by the movie Lars and the Real Girl, or maybe it's the recent release of the book Love and Sex with Robots by David Levy. No matter, the idea of people having relationships with, and even falling in love, with cyberdolls (see RealDoll website for examples but warning! This site is not suitable for work) is getting some attention.

In an age where people have commented on the loss of intimacy in youth relationships and the normalization of porn, this news can be especially disconcerting. How can we encourage people to see sex as a powerful act to be shared between two people who care about each other when the very presumption of "people" is being challenged?

But according to a recent interview of Levy, ""love and sex with robots on a grand scale are inevitable." Granted, this man is talking about beings with artificial intelligence, not static dolls, but the idea of this is so Brave New World. Will it happen in our lifetimes?

If You Can't Beat Them...

The New York Times reports that the Penthouse Media Group invested $500 million in social networking sites by purchasing Various Inc. Must be due to the fact that while traffic to social networking sites has increased lately, visitors to pornographic sites have declined.

Although Various owns the SN site adultfriendfinder (not suitable for work), a site for swingers, it also owns Big Church, whose motto is "Bringing people together in love and faith." Both sites are now owned by Penthouse.